What am I doing here?

Who am I
Well, here I am, almost 50 years old, and still haven’t figured it all out. That sounds so strange; I haven’t figured it out. I actually thought people did. Oh well…..It seems like yesterday that I was a kid and wanted to save the world. It’s so strange how when you’re little, it all seems to be all figured out, and then bam! You are an adult, and things matter…………. or it’s supposed to be for normal people.My name is Jonathan Odom, and I am actually 48 years old, yet sometimes I feel a million years old. I was born into a Pentecostal preacher’s home, and it was a wild brutal ride. I learned a lot about Sin, Hell, and not ever Heaven. I find that strange writing this, but I promise soon this is something I will cover in a new post very soon. So in this blog, I will write about growing up and many of the things I saw and witnessed. I love Philosophy and Stoicism, and it leads me to many great quotes and one that I love to this day by the Danish Philosopher Soren Kierkegaard it says:

“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”

This is the mantra of this whole blog. I want to understand within reason what I went through and what I got from it. Within reason, you say? There is no real understanding about abuse and its effects. Mix in religion, and it all goes out the window. So yes, I know I couldn’t possibly understand what happened, but I do hope to gain some clarity in all of the crazy times of my life. You see to understand to me makes it more bearable. I have often dreamed of going to a remote temple in the clouds and being asked by a wise old sage, “What do you desire?”I have often thought long and hard about this……..and I do believe I would ask for Understanding………….. if I understand things, then maybe I can let all the bad memories in my head die.Now there will be people that will say that I have axes to grind. I want my story told. I want people to know what I lived through. I am not scared any longer. This will be my attempt at understanding and making PEACE with something that altered my being yet made me the person I am today. So walk with me, or walk beside me and let’s see where this will go. Also, btw way, I have a million axes to grind get ready.